Wow. What a way to start. I initially dived right in to my Ryan Adams without pause, then a few lines made me recall the sexual harassment allegations against him, so I looked it up to see what happened in the aftermath of the original reports, and… it’s difficult to look at these albums without having them colored by the image of having been written by an abusive “nice guy,” but I’m going to try to present my initial feelings for them, and my feelings for them at present (because they can’t be ignored if you believe what’s been said, and with all the people who have backed up these women’s claims, I can’t help but do so).
I remember buying “Love Is Hell” (2004) because Ryan Adams co-wrote a few songs on Beth Orton’s “Daybreaker”. I had been meaning to check Adams out, and I enjoyed his contributions to that album, so I started with this cd.
Upon first relistening to “Love is Hell”, I was struck by how much I’d forgotten. I used to love this album back in my lonely, wallowing single days. Tracks like “Please Do Not Let Me Go” and “Anybody Want to Take Me Home” used to make me cry inconsolably, as I sang along with Adams and wondered when I would find that love, and why I was so undeserving, myself. This album also boasts possibly the best version of “Wonderwall” ever recorded. What I wasn’t expecting was to find out that “English Girls Approximately” is about Beth Orton! I don’t know if I just glossed over that at the time because, as a relatively upbeat-sounding tune, it wasn’t in my “poor me” wheelhouse, or if that’s just a bit of trivia that I’ve forgotten over the years.
I put the CD on repeat (this will be part of my process of writing these entries), and was struck by a line from “This House Is Not For Sale”: Adams repeats, “calm down, calm down, calm down,” in the chorus. This is what made me think of the sexual harassment allegations. When I originally heard this song years ago, I thought of a major failed relationship of mine; strangely enough, that relationship involved a lot of emotional manipulation and abuse on the part of my ex; he liked to make me feel like I was crazy, in an effort to keep me down with him. This song used to remind me of the tug-of-war, push-and-pull of being in a relationship like that, between both parties. When put in the context of the allegations against Adams, his plea to “calm down” sounds less like the desperation of a person in a flailing relationship, and more like the cajoling of a person using their position to tell someone that they’re blowing their very real experience out of proportion. It’s… icky. And it’s hard to look at the song the same way now.
Then we have “Easy Tiger” (2007). I had forgotten I even owned this CD! I figured I must have bought it at a crazy time in my life and never really gotten around to listening to it, so I was interested to see if the prolific Adams changed up his musical style for this album. Well, he did, slightly; and man, is it boring. I have little to say about this album, and now I see why I don’t remember it. “Halloweenhead” is just embarrassing; it’s supposed to be the album’s “rock” track, but it doesn’t. Adams sounds bored, and even lazily shouts “guitar solo!” at one point. I found the whole experience of listening to this CD on repeat marginally more enjoyable when I just skipped this track altogether. Then we have “These Girls”, a track listed here as essential Adams listening. It just sounds to me like typical “nice guy” whining in light of all the accusations. “These girls are better off in my head,” indeed.
Ugh. This was a difficult post with which to start. I wanted so badly to go into much more detail with these posts, but with this one, I just want to be done. I have such fond memories of “Love Is Hell”, and yet I could not get excited about writing about someone who’s work and lyrics, which used to mean so much to me, have all been called into question. I’m sure there will be quite a bit of this feeling in my collection to come, but let’s hope for better luck with my next entry.
My Midlife Music 